Inner Game Series Interview

Background: It is very important to place these interviews in context. I was asked to provide some information that might help average guys make their way in the world and improve their love-life. Though this was my first interview and I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, I hope this sharing of my experiences helps others on their journey. Though I’m sure it’s unavoidable I want to try my best to keep the truth I’ve spoken from being twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools.

It’s important to note that I came from a background of being hyper-nerdy. I was such an outcast during childhood and adolescence that in fourth grade I was never called by my name by other children, just “different”. I had almost or precisely zero friends and I very likely walked a little funny. I just couldn’t handle any social situation because I was unaware of how the social hierarchy game worked. How people get pushed around and passed over. I was so unaware of how the game was played (a game natural and unconscious to most) that I allowed verbal abuse etc. Eventually along a number of years I started to figure it out.

In the IT and programming business you meet a lot of socially-inept (read as innocent and loving) people. Unfortunately while working in that business, I saw how the most brilliant and hard working people shared that same passed-over, marginalized fate. The innovators and creators in a business usually made the least and were quickly gotten rid of. The biggest contributors were the least appreciated. It’s because self-doubt is required to build knowledge (and be intelligent) but in the the social arena self-doubt is an admission of lesser value.

I vowed to find a way to help those who were intelligent and humble learn to use the social cues of the sharks to help our group get the funding and recognition we deserve. But, of course, to also know how to keep from just switching sides. To teach the sheep/the producers who band together for protection, who are fed upon, to look dangerous to the wolves.

…To be a sheep in wolves clothing

Part 1:

One of the subjects covered here is overconsideration as a cowardly instead of considerate act. A person can perform a single act for two very different reasons. When you do things because you are afriad to make people angry or dislike you, then you are cowardly. If you do something to make their life better it is considerate.  If you can’t take the 5-10 seconds required to make sure your order is right before driving away from the drive-thru then it’s pretty certain you are acting on cowardice. You’re being controlled.

This is very much like why a woman doesn’t like flower received from her request but loves them if they are a surprise. The intent: to placate versus enrich. A person will often like someone who will argue with them or offend them and risk being disliked because their intent is revealed as honest. A woman (while angry at first) may feel more loved by the honest and gentle truth that, “yes, that dress does make you look a little heavier, lets try a different dress”. Instead of the constant monotone of “You look great” of a person trying to dishonestly placate. A liar.

Part 2:

In this section I try to explain how to help eliminate guilt so that a person can move forward into change. Unfortunately I forgot to mention why. Guilt inevitably leads to denial. You cannot fix a problem that you refuse to believe exists. How can you admit even more wrong when you already feel you are bad/worthless as it is. Admitting more badness feels unbearable. By separating our “intent” selves from the problematic past actor we can see how we were somewhat innocently screwing up. Once we see how and why we screw up we can work on a plan of action to change. This is very much what paul was talking about in the new testament: Romans 7:17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. (sin nature=monkey instincts)

Part 3:

I try to explain how a child feels like a guilty outsider from a lack of forgiveness but get a little derailed apparently. I then try to explain how we may carry out complex behaviors we are unaware of. What I am attempting to communicate is a continuation of the earlier conversation in that by seeing that we have many possibly motivators for our actions we can start to undo our self delusions and look at ourselves objectively. Through this looking glass we can better recognize how instincts and other complex situations might have overwhelmed our conscious mind. We can be on the lookout in the future for similar situations and better control ourself through sidestepping similar situations or by planning to take a different action next time.

Part 4:

After re-watching this I suddenly realized I was teaching another very christian message. Almost an “All have sinned and come short of the glory of god” message about our intrisic nature and how our instincts lead us astray. You’ll find that the removal of guilt granted by forgiveness in christianity I find to be a mechanism for real change. By eliminating guilt we short-circuit a survival mechanism which would lead to more self-centered, bad behavior and more guilt.

Part 5

In this section I try to reveal how fault etc is somewhat of an illusion. Accepting the factual nature of your missteps while understanding the irrelevancy of fault. Seeing mistakes as a step in the right direction when recognized, even though they did harm the lesson ensures a brighter future. Also recognizing that we are all just silly monkeys running into eachother with sharp objects. Unfortunately I must also qualify the section with a further bit of balance. You must be aware that perfect forgiveness is pacifism. Perfect forgiveness is a mistake of balance and is a way of death. We cannot allow others to take everything from us. There are those who will take an unlimited amount from us and while we should not hate them or even judge them, we should avoid them. A very good instance of this is when people look down on you or believe ill of you, if they are a person you respect or love you will think highly of their low opinion. You will believe them. If they cannot stop communicating to you that you are bad or evil in some way after you have given them a chance to cease hurting you, you must defend yourself and the best way is to leave their presence. Otherwise you will allow them to destroy your self image and instill guilt. Instead you must try to keep a friendly and healthy distance.

Jeez, there was even some judge not lest ye be judged in there. I’ll have to attempt to fit more wisdom of other religions in future talks and not focus so strongly on christian lessons alone. Hey, nobody is perfect. 😉